A life-changing essay told by a boy named Hatch
retold by a guy named Gary Alipio.
Pestering insects, pesky neighbors, angry seas, boat blunders, and an encounter with a two-footed cryptid that inhabits Bayou Vivrè – the Loup Garou. You ready?
PRE DAY 01
Pre-day. Yes, strange title for a chapter of an essay you just shelled out six or seven bucks for.
Seriously? I hope you didn’t spend more than that. I know I wouldn’t have. For a book?
You must have lost your noggin. Eaten too much glue in pre-school. Swigged too many Slurpees and totally brain freezed-over. You’re a buffoon. A dingbat. Totally Tone-Loc-o.
If it were up to me, I’d barely ever read. Well, at least nothing that wasn’t about dragons with world-dominating chronic halitosis, knights in shining armor who lose the day, monsters that poop-a-doop in closets or tv-fanatic, alien-infested planets.
Pretty grim, I know. But it’s how I tootsie roll.
NOTE TO READER: if you know of any stories that sound familiar, tweet me @hatchatannia for my next book report.
Yep, unfortunately, the powers that be dictate the course of action that pre-determines the events for my next six years of existence.
I’m talking about my walls. My prison. School.
I hope you realize by now this isn’t going to be your typical story told with typical plot.
I’m only writing this “I’m greater than you” fishing tale because my English grade dropped below a ‘C.’
Yep, I’m a C-minus student in the sixth grade in Louisiana trying to maintain status quo.
Sorry for my long-winded sentences. This paper (an essay about a life-changing event) needs to be 10,000 words for me to get the extra credit to regain my normal ‘C’ status.
And, I can guarantee you 100%, with a thirty-day money-back risk-free trial, it will not be one word longer either.
The fact that someone thinks this essay is also worth slapping onto pieces of paper and printing it for you to read, HA!
Again, six or seven bucks?
I’m not even the writer-type. ‘Cause if you hadn’t noticed, I ended the first sentence of the first paragraph with a preposition.
Usually, two points off my grade for that one.
Well, I’m not changing it. But feel free to correct it if it bothers you.
I’m just your average kid living within today’s average Joe family.
My name is Hatch. I’m eleven years old. And this is my life-changing essay.
Now, back to pre-day. It’s the day before the events of this tale unfold.